2015 – A year which was full of up and downs, I put my school life behind me and it was all about college and getting the relevant results I needed to go on to do whatever I wanted to do when I am older.
I feel that 2015 has treated me well, with all of the things I had the opportunity to do, it created memories which I hope to never forget.
Last year, I was at the front of one of the UK’s largest festivals, I saw my favourite band perform live in front of me, and I touched the main singer which I went crazy over. I was on TV when they done a broadcast for the headlining act, I saw myself on the videos just temporarily forgetting about the world around me and just enjoying myself, singing and jumping along to my favourite songs. I remember the vibe being incredible and I do remember crying when they put the flag for my favourite band come up, because I was about to see them in the actual flesh!
I physically met one of my favourite bands too, they finally came close to where I lived (even though it was a two hour journey to get there) I remember being so nervous and I refused to go into the shop until my mum dragged me in. The whole band were so lovely and they played amazingly live. I am so thankful for the fact that I finally met them after three years of being a fan!
One of the definite highlights was the fact that I met my favourite YouTubers, something I made myself believe would never happen, and it was one of the greatest moments of my life so far, they are lovely people and I felt like they actually cared, something which I don’t feel too regularly with people who aren’t my family. I didn’t actually cry either, which was surprising for someone who is very emotional!
I saw my best friend twice this year, and one of those times, we both went to London to take over the NSPCC office’s for the day, I loved every single minute of that day, I ended up waking up at 5am because I was too excited! I remember eating a lot and I remember actually talking in front of around 50 people and even though people were laughing, I wasn’t hurt by it, part of me intended my words to be funny and people actually laughed which made me extremely happy and confident. I am now aware of what I want to when I am older and I do want to aim to work at the head offices one day.
I also created a video to do with mental health, it indicates what I went through and how it is getting better with me, and it was because of that is that I have gained my confidence due to the fact that I was on the news because of it, meaning that I had to speak in front of a few young people, which was terrifying but I did it, which I feel good about looking back at it.
Another thing which happened is something which is probably going to be the thing which will affect the most in the future.
I finally have the support which I have needed for ages to support me to get through my depression.
I now go to CAMHS for an appointment once a fortnight, I see a cognitive behavioural therapists and I discuss any problems I would like to talk about and we talk about strategies to support me through this.
Now, you may be wondering why I am telling you all of this, but there is a point to this.
One reason is to personally give me distractions when I am having a bad night, to look back at all of the good memories I have had to relive it in my head.
Another reason, and the most important reason is to give other people hope, I didn’t have the best teenage life due to bullying and mental health making me feel like life wasn’t anything but a downwards spiral, and that was only four years ago. And now, I am still going through depression, but I am getting support to get through it. It makes me think, if I was going through so much four years ago, I would have never experienced all of those things that happened last year if I took my life four years ago. I would have never have had that feeling of a sense of achievement when I got those GCSE’s or when I went to the star awards.
I would never have felt the feeling of recovery and things getting better for me if I took my life four years ago.
What I am trying to say is, things do get better, and one day, I hope each and every one of you is able to see that and understand it. Treasure the memories you have and look back at them when you are having a bad night.
It does get better, I promise.
Nikita Bawden is 17 & from Devon, this month she launched her Fixers campaign to show young people experiencing mental health issues they’re not alone.
Nikita said, "I’ve experienced mental health issues in the past. I was bullied, both at school and online. At the time, I didn’t really talk to anyone, which I regret now. It was a horrible feeling. With Fixers, I’m working on a short film to encourage young people who are facing similar struggles to speak out.I hope to take it into schools, youth clubs and colleges to show others my age that they’re not alone.I want them to know that there is help available if they need it."
To watch Nikita's film click here
For more information on Fixers UK go to www.fixers.org.uk